Long Distance Diary
It has been awhile since my last Long Distance Diary post so I hope you are happy to see I am posting one today. Although I do not see myself as a relationship guru it happens to be one of my favorite topics to write and talk about. I hope you enjoy relationship posts as well and hopefully I can begin to become more consistent with posting them.
Anyways, today’s LDD post is on taking the next step in a serious relationship, moving in together. Kaalen and I have been together for a little over 2 years now and are both ready to make the next steps in our relationship. We have been talking about moving in together for quite a while now and I think we are both finally at the place to make that commitment.
I see it all too often, couples move incredibly fast and sometimes it works out but mostly it ends in disaster. There is such a big difference between staying at your significant other’s apartment close to everyday of the week and actually living together. When you stay at your SO’s apartment most days out of the week you are temporarily in that living situation. You have your own apartment/space to go back to whenever you need, and your SO knows that. Say you get into a fight, you can always leave and go back to your own apartment to escape the fight and your partner. If you live together you don’t necessarily have the same escape. You may just be confined to your bedroom or the living room. And what if that fight escalates to the breaking point of your relationship? Are you going to both stay in that apartment or make (quick) arrangements to live elsewhere. Whatever the case may be it can be messy if you’re not ready to move in together.
So when exactly is the right time to move in together? Well, every couple is different and it really depends on the relationship. But of course, I’m going to share with you my top 5 things to discuss before moving in together.
5 Things to Discuss Before Moving In Together
1) You both have stable jobs/income
Obviously when couples move in together it is important you can actually afford your living space. In our case, it is my plan to find a job before I make the move cross-country as well as in with Kaalen. It’s not as easy as I’d like it to be but I know it will be worth it in the end. Having the stability of a job and income is vital in a relationship and in one’s own life. Money problems always seem to creep up in relationships and start countless issues. So do yourself a favor and have a stable job/income before moving in together, or at least the plan too.
2) You’ve talked about how much you will both contribute
This is such a big tip and please make sure you discuss every inch of contribution BEFORE moving in together. This can vary from grocery shopping, to paying bills, to cleaning, to cooking, to laundry, to just about everything you can think of. If necessary make a schedule. It may not be the most exciting thing you do as a couple but in the long run it will keep you both organized and most importantly subconsciously lets your SO that you’re willing to put in just as much effort as the other. And trust me that is the start of so many fights. One person always feels like they are putting in more effort than the other and it can get exhausting. You begin to feel like your SO doesn’t care. So again, do yourself a favor and make a plan before moving in.
3) You are familiar with each other’s schedules and habits
I don’t think it’s necessary to tell you how important this is. But just in case you haven’t lived with anyone EVER, here you go. Knowing your SO’s habits is probably one of the most important things to know before moving in together. How do they live their normal life? Do they leave the dishes in the sink after eating or do they immediately wash them after use? Do they leave clothes lying around on the floor or do they put them away? Things like that seem so small but when you live with someone else 24/7 it becomes a much bigger deal. When it comes to schedules it’s best to purchase a big calendar and write down both of your schedules for the entire month. Then you can easily plan out date nights and important days like doctor visits, etc. When you have a physical copy of both of your schedules you can hold each other accountable and know what to expect from your SO.
4) There is space for both of you
Also very important. You may be confined to a one bedroom apartment and not a lot of space to call your own. In my case I know that I need a space for an office so that I can write and blog without distraction. Knowing this ahead of time I know that Kaalen and I have to either look for apartments with two bedrooms or one bedroom with a den. When it comes to making space for both of you that also means with closet space and storage space for the both of you. Make equal closet space and equal drawer space (even if you have more clothes). You don’t want to give your SO any reason to think you don’t value them and their space as much as you do your own.
5) You balance “me” time as well as “us” time
Be sure to balance the time you spend together as well as alone time. When you live together you will see each other 24/7. Every healthy couple knows how to balance the two. Trust me, you need time to yourself. Even if that means reading for a couple of hours, a night out with friends or nightly walks, take the time to love you. It’s so much easier when you love you to love someone else.
Hopefully my tips help you when you decide to make that next step in your relationship. If you have any other tips be sure to leave them in the comments below!